Suzy 🦋, Author at Red Velvet

10:08 AM
Calories: 209 kcal (Oatmeal for breakfast is nice)
Weight: 1000000 kg (Apparently I have gained 6 kg the past 3 weeks)
Hours spent thinking about how much I hate not being naturally skinny: 1 Million

Honestly. What the fuck. In my desperate attempt to stop binge eating forever I stopped counting calories 3 weeks ago and ever since I have gained 6 kg. At this point I feel like I’m better off with just going back to counting, at least then I was at a somewhat healthy weight and not feeling like a whale. With summer approaching and me going on vacation in May I can’t deal with gaining even more since I feel like it would just hurt my mental well-being even more as I would compare myself to all the skinny women at the beach and loathe myself.

The hardest part of dieting is socialising. Everything either involves eating or drinking alcohol. I hate it.

And I hate that people actually encourage you to have an eating disorder.

Other than that I have to go to work later today. I don’t really feel like leaving the house.

13:13 PM
Calories: 300 (so far so good, I just had a healthy breakfast)
Number of hours slept: 4 (not so good, I feel exhausted)

So I decided to switch things up and turn this into a journal à la Bridget Jones. I’m currently reading the the books and I fairly enjoy this style of writing. Also it’s scary how much I can relate to her… We’ll see if I’ll keep this going or revert back to my usual boring-ass way of posting.

Yesterday I had the genius idea to drink coffee at 5 PM and I ended up staying up until 6 AM. I feel like death.

I also started to watch Red Velvet’s Joy’s new k-drama ‘Great Seducer’ and it was honestly so bad. All the characters were predictable and lacked any sort of dept. The storyline seems very far fetched, too, but I think I might continue it, as there are no other good dramas airing ATM. Sad.

Later today I’m going to watch ‘Germany’s Next Topmodel’ – that is if I can manage to stay awake. God, I hate not getting 8 hours of sleep.

Author: Suzy 🦋

I feel like a pig

Bridget Jones is actually me