Stressed out

05:49 PM
Calories: 573kcal (so far, so good)
Hours spent sweating because of my internship: 6h
Hours spent being nervous: 7h

Thank god I got into every course I wanted to. I was SHAKING because I was so stressed about having to be super fast to get in. Tomorrow they are going to do some changes, though. I’m scared that they’ll throw me out again. I s2g if they don’t let me attend the courses I chose, then I’m ready to kill a bitch.

Today I messaged this big company I want to do my internship at and they told me to be patient until Monday before they’ll let me know whether I’ll get in or not. I really really hope it works out as this internship would help me to build my career. Wish me luck!

back to working out..

9:06 PM
Calories: 1.033 kcal (hell yes)
Hours spent working out: 1 h
Calories burned w working out: approx. 600 kcal (SLAYYY)
Money saved up to pay for the t*rrent incident: 345 € (excellent)

Yeah, I’m back on track. Last Saturday I looked at myself in the mirror and realized just how much weight I had put on. 6kg does make a huge difference and I don’t feel comfortable in my skin anymore. That’s why I have decided to change that. So far so good, it’s only Tuesday after all. I try to fill myself up with veggies and fruit, hopefully that won’t trigger any hardcore-binge-eating-cravings.

Working out keeps me sane. I hate it but I love it at the same time. The worst thing about going to the gym is starting over. I was once in such good shape and now I have to do all the hard work I once already did again. It’s frustrating and I am angry with myself for having given up going regularly. But I won’t stop this time.

I’m still looking for an internship and I am getting desperate. I have sent out 16 applications so far and I’ve had 2 interviews and 5 rejection letters. This is so stressful.

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