in my couch potato era

a small update. i’m in my couch potato era.

my cat got neutered yesterday and the surgery was a bit more difficult as he had… some issues down there, but – given the circumstances – he’s doing alright now. leaving my baby at the vet to get the procedure done really made me realize how much i love him and how important he is to me. it’s crazy how much love we humans can develop for our pets. i am sleeping on the couch for now to keep an eye on him during the night.

my eating disorder has been getting worse and worse over the last couple of weeks. i think the breakup triggered it for the most part as now i can stop trying to fix someone else and am forced to redirect all my thoughts towards myself instead. maybe that’s why the men i choose to fall for are always fucked up? it distracts me from my own issues. i don’t think about that guy that often anymore although i do still get kind of sad or feel hurt from time to time whenever my mind decides to play me the highlight reel of our sweet moments.

it was my birthday on the 21st of september and i am officially 27 now. can you imagine i started blogging 14 years ago?! even though there have been some breaks, i am still going strong haha.

nowadays i barely leave the house. i feel like i am exhausted from all the horrible things that have been happening to me lately.. did i mention my father who i haven’t seen nor talked to in 13 years randomly decided to show up at my workplace the other day?? to name just one of the fun occurrences next to my breakup, the law case and my mental issues. i am too tired to do anything, i don’t feel comfortable in my skin and i don’t really want to talk to anyone besides my close friends and mom. sometimes i feel like i should do more to actually live my life, but then again i think it’s okay to take a break, even if that means not doing shit for the next few months and simply existing.

Being selfish

I keep feeling stupid for being upset over a guy not wanting me and moving on quickly because he never cared while I poured my heart into whatever we had. But I do realize that I didn’t do anything wrong.


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