It’s been around 4 to 5 months now since my last situationship ended and I have not been on one date ever since. At first it was hard not to jump right into the next thing.. or someone, but eventually my heartache stopped and it became easy.
I enjoy going to bed without having someone stress me out, I like not having to worry about some guy liking me back and I feel like I am truly at peace right now. Eventually I realized that all the men I dated – with the exception of my first boyfriend – were simply not that great. The only thing that made them special, was me. I romanticized every little thing they did, even when they treated me badly and I allowed them to disrespect me all because I didn’t love myself.
Loving myself unconditionally is something I am still working on. I think it takes time to truly get a deep understanding of oneself and that’s one of the reasons I decided to continue therapy. Well that, and my eating disorder.
My eating disorder has been getting worse. I feel a bit lost and don’t know how to gain back my control. Ever since the break up it triggered old patterns in me and I fell back into binge eating and feeling guilty for giving in, especially since I stopped working out as much as I used to.
I know it will get better eventually, though. I just have to hang in there and try my best.