Usually when something bad happens to me or when I get really sad I have to write an entry into my physical diary. After ending the friendship with E I didn’t write anything. I just realize this as I began typing this post and I think it’s because I am not sad about it.

E and I had been friends ever since university. When I first met her I didn’t like her. She was running after the boys in our class and giggling the entire time whenever the most annoying guy of them all said anything. I never liked boy-crazy girls.

During the semester we barely talked and just had a few group projects we’d have to share. Our friendship started pretty much after we all got our bachelor’s degree and I moved to the bigger city next to the small town where our uni was located in. E also lives here and we kind of started to connect and talked a lot online because that was when Covid started to be a thing.

Back then E had a boyfriend and we got a long really well. We had a lot in common, although at the time I was in a painful situationship with Henry and couldn’t really relate to all the relationship related topics. Our friendship grew over time and we started to hang out in person as well. E and I would constantly text and share each pointless thought that popped into our heads with each other. Quickly our relationship developed into something I’d call co-dependent.

When I started dating J it all fell apart. I wasn’t on my phone that often and I was happy, spending time with someone who (at first) treated me well. E’s relationship began to hit a rough patch (they were on and off again for a long time too) and when I stopped giving her most of my time, she snapped.

E was looking for a reason to let out her frustration so a stupid little thing led to a big fight which led to us breaking up the friendship. That’s the thing with E; she is very sensitive and treats her platonic relationships the way she also treats her romantic ones. Her feelings get hurt really easily and she will let you know immediately. To me I think friendships are different from romantic relationships, things aren’t that deep in my opinion. You can see how those two personalities might clash.

Soon after that incident J and I broke it off as well. I was heartbroken and went on a dating break (still going strong on that one). E found out and ended up reaching out to me. We were back to being best friends in no time but to me, something had changed.

I felt like E had some sort of superiority complex and I felt like she was in a subconscious competition with me. She often made comments about how she wanted my job, my flat, my car, etc and I couldn’t help but feel like she wanted my life, not to mention all the times she would copy me. That made me want to not share things with her anymore and I started to get the urge to escape. And when I told her that I wanted to move to a different country, she said she’d come with me. I felt like she was copying my dream.

She broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years that’s when things got worse. Two weeks after that the Boy-Craze began. She hit up this trainer she once saw at the gym, gave a girl her number, went on dating apps and started to explore her sexuality. Honestly I am in no position to judge, but I started to get annoyed. I remembered all the times she put herself above me and lectured me about having to be by yourself first and all that sort of stuff. And boy, I was definitely judging her.

I had surgery and all she could talk about was her crush. Every message, every story she posted on instagram, every single thing was about her. And it didn’t stop with that. It had gotten to a point where I felt like E had nothing else going on in her life anymore except dating.

The last time we hung out we went to see Madame Web – which was not as bad as people made it out to be btw. The entire goddamn time we spent together, E talked about dating. She re-told me all her boy stories and loudly talked about who was the best kisser, the best in bed and whatnot. I started to wonder if she wanted people to hear, as they kept turning their heads to see who was talking about private things that carelessly in public. I felt so drained.

That’s when I made the decision that it was time to end the friendship for good. After a year of contemplating whether I should do it, I finally made up my mind.

I didn’t want to be a complete asshole and do it during her vacation, so I held off until she was back. E noticed that my vibes had been off and she messaged me and asked me about it. I then broke up our friendship via WhatsApp – which yes, still makes me an asshole.

I know this wasn’t fair to her at all and she didn’t take it very well. Of course I didn’t say the actual reason but told her that I feel like we developed in different directions and aren’t compatible anymore. I knew that if I talked to her in person she would’ve made a big thing out of it and I’m sure that “You are not someone I want to be friends with because I don’t like your personality anymore” would’ve slipped out of my mouth. And that would’ve been way more hurtful, in my opinion. After all there were many, many times where she was a good friend and supported me and helped me out. I didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary.

Some time has passed now and I know for sure that it was the right decision. I feel so much lighter and I am glad that I managed to get the courage to end the friendship.