I lost one of my closest friends because of a guy

I thought about whether I should write this article or not because I know that there’s a possibility that my ex-friend will come across this blog one day and read it. But then again what do I care?

Let’s call her Chloe. Chloe hated it when I talked about guys so I never told her the full story of what happened between me and Henry. She was disgusted by the thought of someone like me actively using Tinder and going on dates – or worse – having sex with guys I met online. So I refrained from telling her any details as I knew I would only encounter harsh criticism and judgement. It always ended up in a massive fight, which is strange as I barely fight with any of my other friends. I guess you could call this a red flag, huh?

Anyway. Back in November 2020 Henry and I were still casual and we had a petty fight and I broke off all forms of contact with him. A month passed and he came crawling back and asked me to meet up because he wanted to apologise for being a dickhead. Stupid, stupid me made the fatal mistake of telling Chloe about it. Oh boy, what was I thinking?

Chloe went off at me for giving him a chance to talk to me and got extremely angry. Granted, I had feelings for Henry and they weren’t reciprocated – or so I thought, which made this entire situation a bit dangerous. But that’s beside the point. She started a fight with me because I agreed to meet up with him to hear what he has to say. It got to a point where she ended up sending me a 7 minute voice memo in which she told me how fucking stupid I am for even agreeing to see him ever again and not just blocking this guy.

I remember it was a Saturday and I went to visit my mom when she sent me the audio. I didn’t listen to it immediately, because I already knew she was going to ruin my mood and I wanted to enjoy some quality time with my mother.

Little did I know she was tracking my phone activity on Spotify. As soon as I left my mom’s apartment I started to listen to music (instead of her voice memo) and she probably noticed and got even more angry so that she impulsively broke off all forms of contact with me. Yeah, she blocked me on every social media platform possible and that was literally the last time I heard from her.

I didn’t bother to listen to her audio nor did I try to contact her after that. Chloe and I went through a lot but throughout our seven?, eight? years of friendship she has always been a very toxic person in my life. I didn’t feel appreciated by her and she was truly an evil person with a lot of mental health issues including anger problems. The fights would get worse each time and take a toll on my well-being too. I decided that it’s for the best. After all, this is what Chloe did. I’ve seen her throw away her best friend who has been the closest to her over something petty and stupid without hesitation, and she did the same to me.

I would be lying if I said I don’t miss her, of course I do. We used to talk on the phone for 12 hours straight and keep each other company all the time. We shared the same humour and taste in music. But in the end I feel like it was always me who invested more into the friendship and when I needed her, she didn’t have my back. She ended our years of friendship because I agreed to listen to the apology of a guy who was – and still is – very important to me.

salad but the la is silent

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