The past year I have struggled with overcoming my eating disorder by going to therapy, a breakup with someone who told me they loved me and then the next day said they didn’t mean it and having a job I hate.
It has gotten bad. I thought I had cured my eating disorder but at this point I think it’s just something I have to live with. I catch myself lying to myself about it when in reality I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it. It’s not as bad as it used to be by any means, but I do still use food as a coping mechanism.
This has become incredibly apparent after this horrible breakup with Henry. I have to admit, I am impressed with how fast I got over it – it didn’t even take me two months to process and be okay with him not being part of my life anymore. However, with him being gone I realized that I don’t have a boyfriend to kind of fall back on. All I am left with now is my life.
I started to take a look around me and I have to admit, I wasn’t aware of how unhappy I am with my job. Everyday I wake up and think “Oh god, I don’t want to do this anymore”. And don’t get me wrong – I have a VERY relaxed job. I barely have any work to do 90% of the time and the pay is amazing. Sounds great in theory but in practice all I do all day is lay around in bed, watch TV, go to the gym and wait for time to pass. Oh and I am all by myself as we have to work from home.
Sure, having a chill job can be nice from time to time, but not being challenged at all for almost 2 years and not ever feeling like you are evolving or doing something that actually has a meaning can really take a toll on you. I miss being excited and learning something new.
It doesn’t help that one of my co-workers is making work even more unpleasant by being unbearable to work with from time to time. I feel like I am in a toxic relationship with him; when things are good, we get along great, but when we fight, it’s bad. We once almost had a thing, that certainly made things worse. And yes, we are currently in a fight again.
So a few weeks ago I decided to take some action and applied for other jobs. To my surprise I am actually being considered for my dream role. I kid you not, I have been saying affirmations every fucking day for the past one and a half months on a daily basis to manifest this job… and I don’t even necessarily believe in that stuff. I just really want this to work out because it would be my way out and I truly believe that changing my career path will change my life for the better.
Wish me luck, I need this.