The life changing magic of… what exactly?

The past year I have struggled with overcoming my eating disorder by going to therapy, a breakup with someone who told me they loved me and then the next day said they didn’t mean it and having a job I hate.

It has gotten bad. I thought I had cured my eating disorder but at this point I think it’s just something I have to live with. I catch myself lying to myself about it when in reality I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it. It’s not as bad as it used to be by any means, but I do still use food as a coping mechanism.

This has become incredibly apparent after this horrible breakup with Henry. I have to admit, I am impressed with how fast I got over it it didn’t even take me two months to process and be okay with him not being part of my life anymore. However, with him being gone I realized that I don’t have a boyfriend to kind of fall back on. All I am left with now is my life.

I started to take a look around me and I have to admit, I wasn’t aware of how unhappy I am with my job. Everyday I wake up and think “Oh god, I don’t want to do this anymore”. And don’t get me wrong I have a VERY relaxed job. I barely have any work to do 90% of the time and the pay is amazing. Sounds great in theory but in practice all I do all day is lay around in bed, watch TV, go to the gym and wait for time to pass. Oh and I am all by myself as we have to work from home.

Sure, having a chill job can be nice from time to time, but not being challenged at all for almost 2 years and not ever feeling like you are evolving or doing something that actually has a meaning can really take a toll on you.I miss being excited and learning something new.

It doesn’t help that one of my co-workers is making work even more unpleasant by being unbearable to work with from time to time. I feel like I am in a toxic relationship with him; when things are good, we get along great, but when we fight, it’s bad. We once almost had a thing, that certainly made things worse. And yes, we are currently in a fight again.

So a few weeks ago I decided to take some action and applied for other jobs. To my surprise I am actually being considered for my dream role. I kid you not, I have been saying affirmations every fucking day for the past one and a half months on a daily basis to manifest this job… and I don’t even necessarily believe in that stuff. I just really want this to work out because it would be my way out and I truly believe that changing my career path will change my life for the better.

Wish me luck, I need this.

real life bridget jones and part-time clown

2 comments On The life changing magic of… what exactly?

  • First off, good luck in your job search. I am also on that bandwagon of I need a new job. I get paid fairly well at my current job, and like you it’s not the most difficult daily(some days are better than others) but I am an assistant property manager and I will say this job has shown me the absolute worst of how entitled people are. I guess I’m just not cut out for this line of work, and I’ve been here two years now. Never could adjust to how just flat out rude people can be!
    I wish you the best of luck in your job search and hope you find the perfect fit for you! A complete change of pace may be exactly what you need to begin again, so to speak. I’m also about to separate from my significant other after nearly 8 years of marriage and a lot of stress and heartbreak so I understand that feeling. I’m told it gets better, the loneliness I mean, but that remains to be seen. I figure getting back into blogging and getting a life, literally, will help ease the transition though.

    Really happy I stumbled on your blog!

    • Thank you so much! Wishing you good luck with your job search as well. Honestly, taking the first step towards looking for a new job already did so much to my mental health and general well-being because it gave me hope that things will improve in the future and I started to be proud of myself for being brave and getting out of my comfort zone!
      Also wow, after 8 years of marriage, that’s on another level you can be proud of yourself for coping and handling everything. I hope you get to discover new hobbies and that you will look back at this divorce thinking it was the right thing to do and realize how much better life is without him!
      Merry Christmas!

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