I feel like a pig

10:08 AM
Calories: 209 kcal (Oatmeal for breakfast is nice)
Weight: 1000000 kg (Apparently I have gained 6 kg the past 3 weeks)
Hours spent thinking about how much I hate not being naturally skinny: 1 Million

Honestly. What the fuck. In my desperate attempt to stop binge eating forever I stopped counting calories 3 weeks ago and ever since I have gained 6 kg. At this point I feel like I’m better off with just going back to counting, at least then I was at a somewhat healthy weight and not feeling like a whale. With summer approaching and me going on vacation in May I can’t deal with gaining even more since I feel like it would just hurt my mental well-being even more as I would compare myself to all the skinny women at the beach and loathe myself.

The hardest part of dieting is socialising. Everything either involves eating or drinking alcohol. I hate it.

And I hate that people actually encourage you to have an eating disorder.

Other than that I have to go to work later today. I don’t really feel like leaving the house.

bye-bye, Joy

I decided that I am no longer going to use the nickname “Joy” as I feel like there’s no point in hiding who I am. Most people who visit this blog know me from my tumblr account @blackpink anyway. I now go by Suzy, my actual name.

My affiliates do not have to change the name, but it would be appreciated – even though I doubt that any of you are still visiting my blog since I’ve been kind of MIA the past few months. I should visit everyone’s blogs later today to show you guys that I’m still alive and well.

So what has happened? I’m currently still on winter break from uni and I’ve been trying desperately to get an internship. So far I have had one interview and I’m invited to another one next week. Hopefully the other companies I applied to will get back to me soon, too.

My love life is non-existent. It’s fine, though. I’ve been taking a break from flirting and getting to know new people since I am sick of boy-drama ATM. Honestly, men are exhausting and I’m doing pretty well with not having to worry about this sort of stuff right now.

The past few weeks I have lost and gained weight. I stopped counting calories for two weeks and I ended up binge-eating every. single. day. – I started to count again yesterday. It makes me feel safe and ensures that I don’t eat enormous amounts of food. Love this.

I know I always say this but I will try to write in as often as I can, just because I always feel better after writing down my feelings etc and I feel like I haven’t shared any personal things lately.

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