This year has been one of the worst and hardest years of my life. I went through a lot of shit and my heart got torn apart twice. Looking back, I now think that it’s also the best year of my life. The fact that I decided to take a step back and found the strength to do what benefits me in the long-run makes me incredibly proud of myself.
I broke off all forms of contact with Henry. I simply can’t stay friends with someone I have feelings for and I’ve been suffering since August, ever since I told him how I felt and always ended up getting romantically involved with him over and over again. No more, I am tired and I choose to be happy in the future. I don’t want to look back one day and think to myself “Why the fuck did I let someone hurt me that much? Why did I put up with it for such a long time?”.
It was so hard to tell him that I don’t want to be in his life anymore and I am still hurting and missing him very much, but it’s for the best. I feel like I lost my sense of self and my self worth during that time.
I am going to focus on myself from now on. I am going to work on becoming a stronger, better person and I am going to work towards achieving my goals – with or without a partner. I now realize that I need to be completely happy by myself in order to truly be happy in a relationship. Everything else is just a waste of time.
In 2021 I am going to start therapy, I am going to fix my eating disorder, I am going to get my wisdom teeth removed (which I’ve been dreading for YEARS) and most importantly, I am going to find myself. I will be happy.