Nevermind

Disregard my last post.

We talked and frankly speaking I don’t even know if I see myself in a relationship with him. He seems to be having deeply rooted issues and I get the feeling that he is not capable of actually having a functioning relationship. He keeps having breakdowns and depression is taking a toll on his overall mental health. I am trying to be as supportive and understanding as I can be, but it is honestly just super hard trying to be there for someone who doesn’t seem to have the emotional capability to truly let me in.

That being said, I don’t know if I can and, more importantly, if I want to do this to myself.

My last relationship and the trauma he caused me is still hanging over me. Yesterday I walked past his house and I wanted to see if it still has an effect on me spoiler alert: it does, and it was a fucking stupid idea. I got even sadder than I already had been and had to stop myself from crying in the middle of the street when I noticed his parked car.

For some reason it just really hit me that his life is continuing without me. He treated me like shit and I have never felt as awful as I have when I was with him and yet I can’t stop myself from missing him. After all he was someone I felt incredibly comfortable and close with. I think the reason I got extremely sad about it this week is because I haven’t seen the guy I’m dating right now all week to give us some space. I realized that him and I aren’t as close as my ex and I were and it made me sad, even though it’s perfectly normal as I had known my ex for almost 2 years and only dated the new guy for 1.5 months.

Maybe I am not ready for someone new after all.

salad but the la is silent

1 comments On Nevermind

  • Girl. Red flags. Red flags. Sounds a lot like my soon to be ex husband. In some ways a good friend, and sometimes compassionate but so caught up in their own shit its borderline narcissistic. He cannot he good for you until he can be good for himself. You can be supportive from a distance as a good friend but take care of yourself first and foremost.
    I also understand trauma. Im gunshy of relationships in general now due to my marriage, and I honestly think Im better off single. I think too much hurt and trauma to be emotionally available, at least for a long while. Honestly if you get that gut feeling when something just doesnt seem right, its probably not. Seems like youve already got a pretty good grasp on listening to your gut though considering you knew something was off
    I really hope everything works out quickly for you. You got this.

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