Lately I feel like writing more. Not even for anyone to read but only to kind of structure the flood of thoughts running through my brain. Currently I am just waiting for life to happen again. I’ve done all the steps, I quit my job, changed my career path, I found a new flat and I started seeing someone new. Now I feel like all I can do is wait for this new chapter of my life to finally start.

I still don’t know where things are going with Theo but I will try my hardest to be chill about it. After all, I am trying to follow the whole I don’t chase, I attract. What belongs to me, will simply find me mantra and so far I am doing alright. In the end, love isn’t something you can control or force, if it’s right, it’ll simply happen. If not, you just move on. And frankly speaking, it is comforting to know that after everything I’ve been through with dating, I know that I’ll get over it eventually because I am fine by myself.

Let’s talk about my eating disorder. I let it take control and give in to my cravings because I am not stimulated with life in general. All I do all day is lay around and wait for time to pass so that I can go to the gym or to bed. Nothing excites me right now and for some reason I don’t have the motivation to actually do something productive like preparing for my new job or reading a book. Today I didn’t even go to the gym because I over-ate and my stomach couldn’t handle it so – TMI alert – I spent most of my day on the toilet because I ended up with diarrhea. I think I resort to food because I want to feel something and it has been my coping mechanism for so long it turned into a habit which I am too lazy to control. I just miss being motivated and actually living my life and I can’t wait for this new chapter of my life.

I wonder if I should force myself out of this pit of boredom and start by deep-cleaning my entire flat…

real life bridget jones and part-time clown

2 comments On Untitled

  • I’m trying so hard to be smart about my career path. I’m currently working on my masters and trying not to do anything stupid or drastic, but I am 100% fed up with this dead-end job and this overly expensive yet completely miserable town I live in. I definitely feel you in the trying to get out of a rut. I WILL say that per your deep cleaning thing, I felt a bit better about my place once I decided I was tired of mindless clutter, even though I’m a packrat. I cried but I also threw out while crying about it. I’m much happier with less stuff, and I’m trying to continue doing so lol.

    • Feel you on being fed up with your job and the town you live in. But hey, once you are done with your master’s you can drop everything and look for sth in a different city, if you want to! Also I totally agree; getting rid of old shit you don’t use anymore truly helps to make you feel much “lighter”.

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