My best friend got dumped

Calories: 636 kcal
Hours slept: 6 hours (kinda tired but it’s okay)
Hours spent cheering up my friend who was dumped: 2 hours

So yesterday my friend got dumped by this guy she was seeing. I’ve had a bad feeling about him ever since she first started to see him and – as always – I ended up being right. She brought this on herself since she ignored all the signs but I still feel so bad for her. I know what it’s like to be in this kind of situation and that at first it hurts like hell. I’m worried about her since she isn’t as strong as me when it comes to picking yourself up and moving on with your life. She is very lonely and doesn’t have much friends to rely on in her town. I thought about visiting her as soon as I get my pay-check.

So far my diet is going really well. I’m not starving and I am eating around 1,500 kcal max per day. I decided to start an Instagram where I post most of what I eat daily @fat.monicageller – if anyone’s interested.

The thing that’s worrying me is my bank account. My balance must be -50 once again and I’ll be getting even less money next month. FML.

I feel like a pig

10:08 AM
Calories: 209 kcal (Oatmeal for breakfast is nice)
Weight: 1000000 kg (Apparently I have gained 6 kg the past 3 weeks)
Hours spent thinking about how much I hate not being naturally skinny: 1 Million

Honestly. What the fuck. In my desperate attempt to stop binge eating forever I stopped counting calories 3 weeks ago and ever since I have gained 6 kg. At this point I feel like I’m better off with just going back to counting, at least then I was at a somewhat healthy weight and not feeling like a whale. With summer approaching and me going on vacation in May I can’t deal with gaining even more since I feel like it would just hurt my mental well-being even more as I would compare myself to all the skinny women at the beach and loathe myself.

The hardest part of dieting is socialising. Everything either involves eating or drinking alcohol. I hate it.

And I hate that people actually encourage you to have an eating disorder.

Other than that I have to go to work later today. I don’t really feel like leaving the house.

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