My first Break-Up

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s beeen three weeks now and I am still beyond sad. My boyfriend who I’ve been with for two years and I broke up and I miss him so much. It’s crazy how from one day to another things can change completely.

Three weeks ago I talked to him about our future and said that I just can’t give him a definite answer about wanting to have children and form a family. I just don’t know those things yet and I don’t want to have everything decided for me yet. Since I knew that those topics were really imporant to him and we almost once broke up because of them, I felt like it was important to voice my thoughts. I told him to think about it and let me know if he’s okay with me not knowing anything about our future yet.

So the next time I saw him I knew that we were going to break up. Honestly, I knew the moment I told him about how I’m feeling and it just hurt so much. He came over and started to cry and said that he can’t go on like this because he’ll always fear that one day I’ll wake up and definitely know that I don’t want to have a family. So we broke up.

I tried to talk to him after it had sunk in but he wouldn’t want to see me because there wasn’t anything left to say. And it just hurts so much. I feel like I lost the most imporant person in my life and I keep regretting to have said anything at all. I miss him so much and I’m crying as I type this.

I feel like I lost half of myself and I just want things to be okay again. I keep desperately hoping that one day he’ll show up and realise that he made a mistake, but deep down inside I know that that won’t happen.

I have never been this sad in my entire life.

Yesterday my high school crush who I hadn’t seen in two years visited me and slept over. Long story short: I hoped that I might still like him but I didn’t. I realized that he wasn’t right for me and that I deserve better. Him breaking my heart back then was one of the best things that happened to me because I got to meet someone as amazing as my ex boyfriend. I was so lucky to have had someone like him to experience my first relationship with.

When my high school crush left today, I was so shocked and sad. He tried to sleep with me and I’m glad I didn’t do the whole rebound thing. I feel like shit either way but at least now I know that there will always be someone better. Maybe years from now I’ll happily write a post about how glad I am that things didn’t work out with my ex. Or at least I really hope that I will.

Right now I just feel like I fucked up the most imporant thing in my life.

*kim bok joo voice* swag! ?

2 comments On My first Break-Up

  • Hey Joy,

    First off break ups are really hard and also it sucks, In my opinion. I just had a break up myself on this 1st of this month. I wont lie it was at first really tough for me as well though my situation was different than yours but still over all was hard for me. To me when reading this I feel for you girl I also think you did NOTHING wrong in this whole situation. Every person has thoughts about the future and like some including myself are not sure if having kids is something you like to have right away or down the line. So what you felt was alright and normal I think.

    When you saying you didn’t want to think about what he asked of you and was not sure on giving an answer at that time that was the right thing, In my opinion. Even if you were together for 2 years or more people in relationships have to talk a lot and respect that nothing is set in stone and also respect that if they don’t want to talk about something right away does not mean that later down the line things can change. Him leaving you is hard I can inmagen because of a little thing like that or anything else that happen in your relationship. But If your not ready for something or anything in a relationship then that person isn’t for you. Again my own opinion. True, it will be hard for a while since you were together so long but still there is so many other great guys out there for you so don’t give up if you think you wont find anyone else out there. You seem like a really nice and interesting person I think you will find another person that will love you soon.

    As for your crush spending the night you DID the right thing of not sleeping with him. It would of made things worse for you since it would of been like a rebound kind of deal but also confuse you more about the other guy you were with. So to me really thank goodness you didn’t. Really not sure what else to say but please hang in there things will get better for you since you are a wonderful person so far by talking to you a little. You truly deserve the best and will find love again. So please don’t give up and focus at this time on yourself and caring for yourself as well.

    If you ever need anything you can e-mail me anytime be happy to talk to you.

    Sending you lots of good and positive vibes your way~<3

  • Hey Joy,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and your most welcome for all the comments I give ya! 🙂 Yeah who needs guys right now we are both strong independent women, I agree. Wearing watches are cool, though I don’t really have any nice ones just stander ones right now. Hmm, sorry your first comment didn’t go through not sure why that is. You take care as well and glad to hear your doing better :). Feel free to email if you like to chat more anytime.

    <3

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